The Stanley Cup Playoffs as characters from “The Office”

April 10, 2018

As each character from the hit NBC sitcom has a different personality so do the teams of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Here we’ll match them up and dive deep into how I could possibly try to combine a T.V show character with a hockey team. So, here we go.

 

Nashville Predators – Dwight Schrute

They’re both brash, bold and outspoken. Although Dwight once attributed yellow to being a clear indicator of a coward, the Predators don’t seem to care just like Dwight Schrute wouldn’t care. From a success level, the Predators and Dwight have both reached as far as they can without getting to that final summit. The Predators are the Assistant to the Regional Manager of the NHL.

 

 

Vegas Golden Knights – Ryan Howard

The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin goes along great with the youngest team ever to win 50 games, 40 games, clinch a playoff spot, win their division, etc. Both of these kids are extremely talented and have a bright future. Ryan Howard and the Vegas Golden Knights go together like a cheesy pita and a toaster oven… Fire guy…

 

 

Winnipeg Jets – Darryl Philbin

They’re good when they want to be. Remember when Darryl had that one good idea and then he got an office upstairs? No? Okay, well he did and that’s basically what the Jets have done this season. They got an office upstairs and aren’t in the warehouse anymore. Let’s see if they can prove that they deserve that new office because Darryl kind of did and then didn’t.

 

 

Anaheim Ducks – Stanley Hudson

If there’s a sleeper in these playoffs it would have to be the Ducks. Just like the infinitely wise and sleeping Stanley Hudson. Stanley is good only when he actually tries. Just like the Ducks. The Ducks have the resources but rarely do they ever fire on all cylinders just like Stanley. The deeper the Ducks get into the playoffs, the more they do crosswords instead of hockey.

 

 

Minnesota Wild – Pam Beesly

Both Pam and the Wild are pretty stagnant. Answering phones and sending faxes, nothing exciting nor meaningful seems to happen. The Minnesota Wild are pretty much the receptionist of these playoffs. Maybe one day, just as Pam did, the Wild will become a salesman and actually do something else besides taking notes on beach day.

 

 

San Jose Sharks – Creed Bratton

This team is weird and no one knows what to expect from them. They are a good team… I think? Creed seems to be an inigma and so do the Sharks. You don’t know what to expect and the both Creed and the Sharks will leave you guessing. Flying under the radar will be key for the Sharks and if they can do it like Creed has done for the better portion of his life, they could be really successful.

 

 

Los Angeles Kings – Angela Martin

Stern and unforgiving, the Kings are always a threat in the playoffs as Angela is always a threat to anyone trying to get through a pleasent day free of unpleasentness. Anyone or anything that runs into both the Kings and Angela is going to regret it because they won’t make it out without a couple of scars both mental and physical.

 

 

Colorado Avalanche – Todd Packer

Somehow the Avalanche are in the playoffs just like somehow Todd Packer isn’t in jail for some kind of misconduct either in our outside of company property. I guess in the end there is a reason why Todd Packer has been employed at Dunder Mifflin for like 20 years. Because of this, it leads me to believe that there is a reason why the Avalanche are in the playoffs. Let’s just hope the Avalanche don’t get fired for a chain of retail stores that they weren’t even responsible for.

 

 

Tampa Bay Lightning – David Wallace

In his infinite wisdom, David Wallace made a boat load of money off of ‘Suck It’. And in the Lightning’s infinite wisdom, they have traded and worked their way to becoming Stanley Cup favorites. David Wallace basically ran Dunder Mifflin for a long period of time and it looks like the Lightning could be running these playoffs for a long period of time. David was kind of soft on Dwight when he indirectly gave Stanley a heart attack so let’s just hope the Lightning aren’t soft on one of their opponents and, well, lose.

 

 

Washington Capitals – Michael Scott

The Capitals and Michael Scott. Drowning in their own shortcomings for years. ‘Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin’ only sounds good after so long. Just like ‘Washington Capitals: Stanley Cup Favorites’ only sounds good for a finite period of time. Just like Michael, the Capitals want more. After 19 years at Dunder Mifflin, Michael finally found it in Colorado with Holly. Could this be the year the Capitals find their “Holly” or will they just find Jan?

 

 

Boston Bruins – Roy Anderson

They are the bullies of their respective stomping grounds. Roy and the Bruins pretty much intimidate whatever they get near and I’m pretty sure in addition to Roy, the Bruins would not appreciate Pam’s art either. In the end, Roy ended up really happy and even learned the piano so maybe the Bruins will turn out the same way with their own happiness. Just like Roy, I think the only thing that could stop the Bruins is pepper spray to the face.

 

 

Pittsburgh Penguins – Jo Bennett

They are the champions of their lives. Jo Bennett is both successful and intimidating just like the Penguins. Going up against the Penguins in the postseason is never going to be fun because there is a chance they could bury you whether they are the better team or not. Jo Bennett kept her ex-husband’s last name just to “piss off the new wife”. Remarkable. Both of these entities have experienced winning with all of the confidence in the world.

 

 

Toronto Maple Leafs – Jim Halpert

Maple Leafs’ captain Auston Matthews and Jim Halpert both have this identitiy of “you either love him or you hate him”. But just like Jim, the Maple Leafs are a solid contender and a constant threat to either opposing hockey teams or opposing paper companies. It took Jim years to actually try at his job even though he had potential. For Toronto’s sake, let’s hope it doesn’t take the Maple Leafs as long to actually try and get promoted to Co-Manager.

 

 

Philadelphia Flyers – Oscar Martinez

 

Accountant extrodinaire, no one can do accounting stuff quite like Oscar Martinez. Just like no one can make into the playoffs as a third seed while completely going unnoticed like the Flyers. Oscar is smart as he knows more about China than anyone else in the office except for maybe Michael. The Flyers are a great hockey team and could go the distance just like Oscar’s team went the distance in this Philadelphia based gay bar trivia competition (only to be upset by the Dunder Mifflin “Just for Fun” team that included Kevin Malone of all people).

 

 

Columbus Blue Jackets – Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard is cool and all but at every turn he seems to fail. Whether that failure is out of his control or caused by his own doing, it’s still failure. The Blue Jackets are the same way. No banners in almost two decades of existence and they still haven’t won a playoff series. Some of that failure isn’t really fair though because two out of the four times they’ve made the playoffs, they lost to the eventual Conference and Stanley Cup Champion in ’09 and ‘17. But Andy Bernard became manager eventually. Maybe the Jackets will too.

 

 

New Jersey Devils – Kevin Malone

Lovable Kevin. From zero to less of a zero. Just like the Devils. From first overall pick to first round of the playoffs. They have a tough road ahead of them but just like Kevin’s ability to stuff a ton of M&M’s in his mouth, even when things seem improbable, there is always a way to pull it off. Devils fans are just hoping they don’t drop the chili pot in this postseason.

 

 

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